SELF Love on Valentines Day!

We all know Valentine’s Day has derived from some pretty dark roots, February 14th has become a cause of celebration. We celebrate the word : LOVE ! Whether singing that single song or a duet of love birds this day has loved and HATED.

Everyone has their own thoughts on love ( depending on our situations).  It comes from the way that we love our spouse, family, or friends. But we never never talk about what comes to mind when we think about what it means to love ourselves. 

Do you appreciate the person you are? Is there a way that you show affection toward yourself? Are you in love with yourself?

If you can’t seem to answer yes to any of these questions then its for damn sure time to give YOU a little love today. Most of us think that loving ourselves means getting a pedicure or going to the movies and YES all of these things are great but are we taking the time to nurture our spirits. Most of the time as a single person we immediately enter this ” panic mode ” feeling of seeing all the happy couples , the gifts and the hoopla on social media. But here are a few steps that you can take toward self love not just today but every day. 

 

1. Appreciate the person you are.

Take time to enjoy everything about you. Of course we are all works of are and on different paths of self discovery but what makes you unique? Those are all the things that you should be celebrating and proud of. Be gentle in the way that you talk to yourself when it comes to your flaws and don’t see them as the reason you aren’t sharing today with someone but more of a day of triumph because you are willing to celebrate the love you have for you. 

2. Go on an Instagram Hiatus.

Social media is clearly the devil. Well , i’m joking, BUT Instagram and other forms of social media should be the very last thing that you want to be indulging in on this day. We ain’t got time to be jealous of everyone and their same roses and chocolates from CVS ( sorry not sorry ) but it doesn’t hurt to throw out there the love you are showing yourself and then signing out for the day. 

3. Write Yourself a Love note

In my book , Affirmed Queen, I mention writing two letters to yourself. One letter is to explain to yourself who you think you are today and the second letter is to explain who you want to be after a year worth of SELF LOVE work. * PS if you haven’t got the book CLICK THE LINK 🙂 * 

4. NOW it’s Time for Pampering.

Run that bubble bath that you keep promising yourself, take yourself on a date, cook a nice meal or Door Dash. ( whichever you prefer). Take time with you and RELAX. Who says today is ONLY for the lovers or married couples. 

 

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One of the most courageous acts of radical self-love is valuing your time, energy and how much of yourself you are giving to others. Show yourself you care by setting boundaries that prioritize your own wellness. This does not mean that you can’t still be kind, giving you.

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The concept of today is Love. Loving you, who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses. Spending time with yourself that you usually push back to a later date, and overall enjoying your own company and laughing with yourself. There is no reason to feel discouraged or sad because you have no one to share it with. It should just be another day to love yourself a little more. !

 

Remember before you go to bed look at the most important person in your life in the face and tell them…

I LOVE YOU!

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Teenagers and Dating: The reason why I wont allow my teens to date!

I chose this topic because it is something that I am currently going through at the moment and i’m sure many other mothers and fathers can relate to it. I have two older children a boy (14) and a daughter (13) as of this year. They are starting to ask questions regarding my dating life, my past relationship with their father and even questions regarding the nature of my current relationship. I am very open and honest when I tell them about the things that I experienced. My good and even my bad experiences. I make sure to let them know; by me telling the truth about my personal experience is not to scare them away from dating but for them to understand that they are at a very impressionable age. Small things are so major in teenagers lives because they don’t grasp the concept of what love really is and all that work that takes to maintain a healthy relationship. They always make the same comment, “you had a boyfriend when you were a teenager.” And I let them know that they are absolutely correct but I inform them my mother never said that I couldn’t and i’m choosing to make different choices than my mother in order to have a different outcome for my children. No, this is not to say my mother was wrong for allowing us to date but I see what I went through so young and how it affected me and I just want differently for my own.

Its a few main things I make sure to go over:

1. Just because you are interested in someone now doesn’t mean you will be when you finally realize who you want to be and the life you want to live
2. Peer pressure in relationships or feeling obligated to have sex that you may not be ready for
3. early pregnancy
4. Loss of focus on their goals and academics
5. mental or physical abuse that cant be determined as such
6. emotional damage from an early heart break that could damage them for years to come.

A lot of these reasons apply no matter what age, but my biggest is the teen pregnancy and the emotional damage and its because its something that I can speak about first hand. I had both of my children back to back at the age 17 and 18. I was in a relationship with their father and he wasn’t the best person. He was very emotionally damaging to the point I felt as if I would never find a person to love me the correct way. I allow my children to know that yes, we were both young and made mistakes between the both of us. But I harbored a lot of animosity toward men for a long time and i’m sure I pushed a lot of people away who had pure intentions. I didn’t trust anyone, I felt unworthy , and always waited for the ” bad things” to happen. I allow my children to know that being damaged so young can ruin good things in the future. My job is to protect them as best I can but also teach them the fundamentals of being in a healthy relationship, and what it looks like. For my son to understand that being a man of his word and always being honest is what he needs to learn the value of before feeling as though he is man enough to take on the responsibility of a relationship. I try to allow my daughter to understand that not all young men have pure intentions and even if they are good people at heart. Fitting in to what their friends feel is, ” cool” is more important than living up to the standards of a healthy relationship.

Putting themselves first, loving themselves and taking the time to explore the world in the right way is my hope for them. Of course I cant protect them from everything but if I teach them the value of self love they will save themselves a lot of trouble in the future.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that does not come easy . Its even something that I struggle with personally. We always have that dying question of ” why”? and the truth is we may never know. We will never know why the man we love doesn’t love us anymore, or  why the people we called friends betray us . All we can do is forgive and not for anyone else but ourselves. If we choose not to forgive others or even ourselves ; we are making the subconscious choice to remain broken . Forgiveness takes time but when you forgive you take back power over your emotions and begin the process of healing. And sometimes forgiveness has to happen even without an apology . It shows strength to forgive someone and take the time to make sure you are healthy from the inside out .

“I forgive you ” is as powerful as telling someone you love them !

Have you forgiven someone today ?